Today, Ta-da!

Today was an exciting day to put it simply. Exciting as in me trying to explain all the emotions that can fit to the definition of exciting. The day was filled with surprises. It was my youngest son’s ninth birthday, I still can’t believe it. Momma’s little baby is getting older and more handsome by the day. The surprises all happened during the party and not for or from my youngest son, the birthday boy. It was for me and my husband from my oldest ten year old son. The surprise came when he had the yearly ritual birthday, not for me, jealous tantrum followed by the shifting of the spotlight to him when he told me and his dad and everyone here that he hated his family and then stomped off to his bedroom to seek solitude and sulk for the second time today. What happened next will change my life forever. I went back to his room to investigate the damage and talk. During these times I am so glad I had encountered incidents like this and know what to do. I see myself as a very understanding mother more than half the time and would give myself at least an A-. We started talking about what is going on and what he is so upset about. Then he said the most scariest, most hurtful thing a parent could ever hear. A cry for help. He said that,” all the things that are bothering him makes him want to kill himself.” Now, I take things like this very seriously. I asked what he needed from me and he said attention. He has told me this before when I was working a lot so I stepped down from a house manager position that I once had. It helped. But, this summer I was off all summer since I work at the school. So It got me to ponder. As I was pondering he started to talk more seriously about how he wished he were never born and asked me why we were all here and why God would let people suffer? Of course, I started to cry at this point and his back was facing me as he put himself in a corner. I asked him what he asked God for and he said it didn’t matter cause he never answers anyway and so I said sometimes God don’t give you an answer, sometimes he sends people to answer your question. I said I was here and God is here. He then turned around and looked at me. I told him that if God didn’t care and if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be in there talking to him. I asked him what he meant by more attention since I figured out that our definitions are quite different now. He talked about the bullies at school and his brother making fun of him and getting their friends to join in on it and asked if he can be home schooled so he don’t have to be around it. I told him that bullies will be around everywhere and about all his friends that he will miss from school and everything else but someone can’t miss what they can’t see now. I didn’t think the bullying was that bad til now. Days like this I say Screw the dollar I am going to give my son what he needs, me!

Well, there is more to this story but this is basically what we came up with. He didn’t want to play the Xbox anymore and I agreed. Me and my husband talked and decided to sell it and plan on getting up all in his space to cover him in more hugs and kisses. Homeschooling is in progress. Only time and love will tell what is going to happen next, but I can guarantee that the result will be better than doing nothing. In my book there is no contest between the working mom and the needed mom.

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